Waking from your doze you get a shock –
You’re in a forest – and that’s strange because
You fell asleep while flying to Bangkok.
You wonder if a plane crash was the cause;
And then you see a man of advanced age,
Not knowing that it’s Kaspya the sage.
“What do you want?” says Kaspya taking stock
Of you. “Eternal life, riches or sex?”
“Only to see my girlfriend in Bangkok.”
“Love and travel – those problems aren’t complex!
But before I show you how you can resolve them,
Listen to other’sproblems – help to solve them.”
“How can I when I don’t know where I am,
And don’t know anybody except you?”
“This is the Forest of the Himmapan.
Begin by looking – that’s what you must do –
And learn the shape and size of every creature,
How it can help or harm – note every feature.”
And so you wander through the humid maze
Of banyan, tembusa and bamboo thicket.
It’s hard to see much in the steamy haze
And you’re so hot you wonder if you’ll stick it –
But you’ve no choice, ’twas Kaspya’s decree,
So you go on – and this is what you see:
Erewan – of elephants, the king,
With three and thirty heads, each with a trunk
And seven tusks that can pierce anything.
There’s not much water left when he has drunk,
Or showered with his three and thirty noses –
They suck the water up like fire hoses!
Mungkorn Sagunee has a dragon’s head
And eagle’s body. Of all Himmapan
He is the fiercest. Other’s flee with dread
When he approaches, and there’s just one man,
Kaspya, can completely understand him,
And only he (or proxy), can command him.
Heavenly music draws you to a place
Where a Nok Garawake sings a Thai song
With wondrous musicality and grace.
A Khon Tun with all four hands plays along:
Two on a Pi Saw – a long bamboo flute;
Two on a Phin Nam Tao – a gourd lute.
Who said of sex ‘it doesn’t grow on trees’
Has never seen this tree – Makalee Pon –
For it bears fruit as sexy as you please.
Each blossom has a nude girl hanging on;
The sweetest, juiciest fruit you ever sucked,
And each one ripe and ready to be plucked.
A shapeshifter among the Himmapan,
The Naga is the king of all the snakes,
But sometimes takes the shape of mortal man
To woo a mortal woman when love wakes.
He dwells in palaces below the waters,
With untold wealth, and his Nagini daughters.
Nang Nguek is your favourite – a mermaid –
But almond-eyed and with a Ram Thai crown,
A golden collar and plump breasts displayed,
A tail of green, and skin of golden brown.
You’d love to kiss and cuddle her, but oh!
What would you do about what’s down below?
Karin Puksa, a flying elephant
With birdlike wings of red and feathered tail,
Can fly at speed to countries far distant
Even though he’s huge (he’s bigger than a whale).
So when he flies o’erhead and does a poo
Make sure the person under him’s not you!
Ramad is like a rhino, only fiercer
Bigger and better armoured. He can crash
Through anything. His single horn can pierce a
Metal plate – there’s nothing he can’t smash.
Ten creatures you’ve observed – there’s many more –
Like these six creatures carved on Kaspya’s door:
Durong Puksin is a flying horse;
Hayra – an elongated crocodile;
Asoon Puksa – half man, half bird, of course;
Re’em – an ox with scales like a reptile;
Mucha Nu is half fish, half monkey;
Asura Wayupuk – a giant’s flunky.
