My husband and I started trying to get pregnant right away after we got married, more than 3 years ago. We shared a strong desire to have at least one child. But over the last 3 years I've struggled with the question of should I try to do this considering my migraines and such. Much like the ups and downs of my sense of hope for relief I've at times thought it would be fine and at times thought it was a terrible idea - and everything inbetween.
We tried and took a break from trying and then back to trying again. After I lost one of my ovaries last January we decided to try all 2010 and then start treating my endometreosis in hopes of keeping my other ovary. Obviously we were not successful in making a baby.
My GYN doc said we should give it a couple more months and start using an ovulation kit to tell me exactly when I'm ovulating. I had already been doing basil temperature charts for more than 2 years but she said this would be more concrete. So I've been testing myself daily. Last week I had a spike in my temperature (which is supposed to coincide with ovulation) and started to experience other symptoms of ovulation. But my tests all told a different story.
It appears I may not actually be experiencing the full burst of hormones required for normal ovulation. Something is happening - obviously. I'm still having periods and experiencing all the symptoms. My husband and I have talked about our struggles to get pregnant on several occasions and have come to the mutual conclusion that we'll be okay if we can't. We love each other and really like each other and our life together. We are not wealthy by any stretch and we both really value being financially stable. Neither of us feel like we need to drop everything and put all of our retirement savings and investments into expensive, invasive procedures to help us get pregnant or adopt.
Part of me feels the loss of my right ovary. It doesn't make any sense, I was hardly aware of my ovaries before it was destroyed. Now to think that I'm not really even ovulating, well, I feel sad about it. And that makes even less sense. I've been very aware of my intuition telling me that we can't get pregnant for more than 6 months. This isn't a surprise to me. I don't feel like I can't have a great life if I can't have children. Meanwhile, I'm seeing all these people around me having babies; friends, celebrities, strangers at the store. Each time I feel pangs of sadness and longing. Sometimes I think about what kind of things I would want to teach my child, or things I would like to do with my child. I see baby stuff in stores and wonder what it would be like to have a baby. I wonder if I would be any good at parenting. I wonder what kind of foods he or she would like or dislike. I wonder who he or she would be. I even manage to worry some about all the dangers he or she would face (online predators, crazy people too wrapped up in texting to pay attention on the road and stuff like like). These feelings don't make any sense but I'm feeling them anyway.
